Note to Self: #1

Dear Self,

I was thinking back and reliving some old memories about you the other day.  My my how you have changed over the years.  Back in high school, you were a skinny hyper and probably manic teenager with no direction.  Although you thought you were presenting yourself as endlessly happy, the older me is realizing you didn't actually come across that way.  I think it was that whole temper thing or the boyfriend drama that possibly ruined the facade.

Anyway, fast-forward to the you that was about 10 years ago or so... maybe a few years less but I'm too lazy to do the actual math when it doesn't matter.  That you, wow... that you had some brass ones and some big ol' butt kickin' boots.  Whoa Nelly, you were bad to the bone. The older me is thinking it may have been the issue of feeling like a doormat in the relationship and then it carried over into the workplace, where you were also feeling like a doormat. So, you put on your boxing gloves and went to town. *sigh* Those were some rough days, but girl, I gotta give you credit - you learned how to fight.

In thinking about the me of today, I feel like I'm a lot more laid-back.  Maybe it's the massive weight-gain since high school that has sapped my hyper tendencies. Maybe it's unloading the relationships that were making me feel backed into a corner.  Maybe it's just getting older.  The cool thing is I'm kinda ok where I'm at right now.  I probably shouldn't be... I should probably want to toss aside this feeling of life being a comfy old t-shirt that's been washed too many times and is now soft as butter. Maybe I do need to get that scratchy old sweater life out of the closet and bare my teeth a little more than I do. Get good and riled up and wanna fight again.

Eh. I feel like those drama-filled days will return soon enough. I think I'll wallow around in this comfy old t-shirt version of life a little bit longer.

Sincerely,

Me.