As I was just about to create a post about gossip, I ran across another blog post that I just had to share with mine. Andrea was my first Cara Box partner and I know God placed her in my life - she's a wonderful inspiration and I love following her instagram and blog.
So
here is her post - go read it then come back over here, ok? Her blog is about Speaking Life Into People. Doesn't that sound awesome? I think so, too.
I like her banner, too. :)
Anyway, so I've really been reflecting on the THINK method of thinking before you speak.
T: Is it True?
H: Is it Helpful?
I: Is it Inspiring?
N: Is it Necessary?
K: Is it Kind?
Obviously, this closes down a lot of conversation that shouldn't be happening but we all know it is happening. I'm just a guilty, if not more so, than everyone else.
Now that my attention has been drawn to it, gossip really drives me crazy. I sometimes just have to plug in my earphones and spike up the volume in an effort to drown out it all out.
I write for a local newsprint/magazine and I pretty much have freedom to write about whatever I choose, however, I'm listed as a service writer. Since changing my job, I'm out of the service market (so to speak) so I try to write about ways to give back to the community or self improvements. Here is the article I just submitted - you get a sneak peek before it's even published. I'll share more thoughts on this tomorrow...
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Remember
the game we played as kids, where the first person would whisper a secret in
the next person’s ear, and so on and so forth until it got to the last
kid. We all waited to hear what the last
kid would say… and he would announce, “The secret is, ‘Billy ate a goat foot at
the dime store counter!’” What? We would
all look at that kid like he’s grown three heads because it was nothing like
what the first kid said, which was, “Mary paid a buck for a brand new
jumper.” Of course, we all heard a
different version and passed it along until it was nothing like what it started
as in the first place.
And
that’s the entire point, isn’t it? The
game was to prove to us as children how all the gossipy whispers you hear may
not be the truth and therefore shouldn’t be repeated. Somehow, as we grew
older, it seems we forgot about this lesson.
For
whatever reason, gossip is one of those things that has really been getting on
my nerves lately. And trust me when I
say, I’m not lily white when it comes to this topic. Not at all and I’ll be the
first to admit it! Once it was drawn to my attention and I took a step back
from having my nose directly in it, I realized how destructive gossip is to
every one of us. It’s ugly. It’s damaging. It’s totally not necessary. I’m not
just talking about “ugly talk” but just talking about people in general.
Sharing the details you know about their life, their struggles, their ups and
downs, their history, their family’s history and what their dog did back when
you were in fifth grade. Seriously, it’s the Southern way to know all and share
all. But understand, adding a “Bless her heart” at the end of a particularly
juicy tidbit of knowledge does not counteract its harmfulness.
I saw
this poster online and copied it down to share with my coworkers and friends –
people that are around me frequently and could hold me accountable to this new
life skill I’m trying to implement. The poster said, “Before you speak: THINK.”
Each
letter stands for something to evaluate before you say anything. “T: Is it true? H: Is it helpful? I: Is it
inspiring? N: Is it necessary? And K: Is it kind?” Let me just share with you now – very little
that is shared in our society today can fit in these five categories.
For
example, Jane Ann may have gone a little crazy on Saturday night and streaked
down the highway in nothing but her nightie. And, I’m sure plenty of people saw
Jane Ann in her nightie to verify that yes, it’s true, she did it. But is
sharing her embarrassing situation helpful
to anyone? Possibly if they were looking
for her that night, yes. But the next day? No. It’s definitely not inspiring to further hurt Jane Ann when
she’s obviously already struggling. Definitely not necessary to do so nor is it very kind of you to share it. So,
why not stuff a sock in your mouth and keep the info to yourself. OR, better
yet, why don’t you go talk to Jane Ann and see if there is something you can do
to help her. And you don’t have to tell
everyone that you went and offered to help her and when you did you found the
said nightie burning in the fireplace, either.
Do you
see my point here? I believe most of us
(again, myself included) have become way too comfortable sharing any and
everything we know about everybody with anyone that will listen. The good, the bad and the ugly. I hate to tell you this, but it’s just not
appropriate. It’s actually quite child-like to do so. To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, “Great minds
discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.” So yeah, that stings a little, but it’s very
true.
As we
have implemented this in my office, you’ll catch one of them pointing a finger
and shouting, “THINK! THINK!” as they know something inappropriate is about to
come out of my mouth. And you know what,
I’m thankful for them doing so. I don’t
want to be seen as the slightly crazy and gossipy cat lady that lives up on the
hill. I’d rather be known for being a
person with integrity, faithfulness, and discretion. A gossip can’t be viewed
as these three things because if you’ll talk about someone else to me, you’ll
talk about me to someone else, so you just can’t be trusted.
Make no
mistake, gossip isn’t always stretching the truth or flat out lying about
someone. Oh no – go back and read these
five points again: True, Helpful,
Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind. Don’t
start thinking you are off the hook if you only share what is true. Frank Clark said, “Gossip needn’t be false to
be evil – there’s a lot of truth that shouldn’t be passed around.” I can’t disagree with him.
Is this
one of the hardest habits I’ve tried to break? Definitely. I’m not even going
to pretend like I’m perfect. One of my
best traits is my ability to quickly snap off a comeback or comment that gets a
chuckle from folks. A lot of times that snappy comment is at someone else’s
expense and is usually based in truth.
It’s been hard to stop that quick wit and realize a cheap chuckle isn’t
worth the ugliness that seeps into my soul for being so catty. I have found myself becoming a more positive
and optimistic person as I’ve slowly been learning to bite my tongue.
It’s
not easy, but I hope you’ll consider taking a step back and honestly evaluating
if this is something you might need to address in your own life. If so, try applying the THINK concept and see
if it helps you better discern what should and shouldn’t be shared. I believe you’ll realize the improvement will
greatly impact your life, as well as those you were going to gossip about.
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