One Year.

It’s impossible to fathom that it’s been one year since I lost my Dad. A million times I’ve wanted to ask him a question or tell him something funny I know will make him laugh. The first time I screwed up and told a friend I’d ask my Dad how we were related to her neighbor and I saw her freeze. Immediately realized what I said and told her I guess I wouldn’t be able to do that, all the while repeating inside, “Please don’t cry, please don’t cry.”  

The only family photo we have that includes all of us. 

I try to remember details of that last hospital visit that we had no idea would be the last. The details have gotten grainy. Did I stay the last night? Or was it the night before? I don’t know that any of us would remember everything correctly, it was such a blur. 

Dad and A. at Christmas, sporting their new hats

We always celebrated our birthdays together

Pop passed 15 minutes before his birthday. The poor nurse cried more than us-we were halfway in shock. I wondered if I should hug her, too, while hugging mom. 

He wanted a pic like LB- with a kid on each side. lol
 M’s First birthday. 

Talk about “His Girl!” They were crazy for each other! He would brush her hair so gently so it wouldn’t hurt. 

Enough of those days. More of who he was. He was smart, insanely smart. Could do figures and make blueprints in his head. Or sometimes he pulled out a pencil and wrote right on the hood of his old truck. He could see what he wanted to make and then he’d make it. My brother is a lot like him in that regard. 

He never met a stranger and would go on with some junk with anyone. When we were kids I remember him wearing cutoff blue jeans and cowboy boots in the grocery store at the beach. He was pushing his buggy and “dancing” in the aisles and it was HILARIOUS. He never was a fan of the beach and would opt to do all the grocery shopping instead of battling the sand. He would get us set up with all our belongings and the umbrellas up, overlapping for maximum shade, and head out until we needed to be picked up. 

 

These two cuties- we prayed over these kiddos. They loved to listen to Daddy talk and read them stories. 

Three generations (missing Liam) but the boys loved playing on PawPaw George’s tractors. 

And he loved. He loved big. My mom, who he celebrated year 52 with in the hospital. So thankful for their love. His three children with our very different personalities. He was so proud of each of us for very specific, individual reasons. And his grandbabies. Gracious he was so happy to have grandbabies to spoil and love on. He was a very special man and is so very missed. Love you, Daddy. 

And in a snap

Four years have come and gone in a snap of the fingers. I wish I could tell you majorly exciting things happened during those years, but not so much. I changed jobs after 12 years and that’s opened up all kinds of new opportunities. And even more change is on the horizon as the office calls us to return from working at home beginning in 2023. I’ve made new friends, met new people, and traveled halfway across this country to see new places and beautiful views. I’ll do a stand alone on that one soon. 

The biggest change, in all of my 47 years thus far, is losing my Dad. September 11, 2022. 

I remember this episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Christina is talking to George about joining the Dead Dad’s Club. A few days before he passed, I couldn’t get that image out of my head. I bawled the whole way home from the hospital because I didn’t want to join this stupid club and I was very afraid I was going to.

It doesn’t seem real. Never seeing him again? Hearing his laugh? Getting his advice? Kissing the top of his head on my way out the door? Hearing his truck coming up the driveway or his tractor in the field? Sitting with him in one of his swings and hearing stories of his family? Eating way too many of his biscuits and taking more to go? How can all of this have ended with one final breath? It’s not real. It just can’t be. 

Mom told me one time she worried about me, that I was still single because I was trying to find a guy to live up to my dad, and that would be hard to do. She is so right. He wasn’t perfect, but he loved God, guided us back to Him, loved his wife of 52 years and respected her, loved his children and steered them on a solid, steady path, and doted on his grandchildren. He dealt fairly or to the other person’s advantage. He worked hard and took pride in doing a great job. And his knowledge was vast, spanning a million subjects and always learning more. 

Dad was salt of the earth, a country boy, with no presumptions and no airs. He didn’t try to be someone he wasn’t and he very much knew who he was. He respected people, no matter their color or standing. And loved to laugh! Always going on with junk and teasing folks. 

Needless to say, the man who meant more to me than any other man ever has in my entire life-he is gone. Will I be ok? Of course. He prepared us for him leaving us since we were kids. His parents died young and he never expected to live to 75. He was so shocked as more birthdays came and went. And he passed 15 minutes before he turned 76. We buried him one day before I turned 47. 

My very wise sweet niece, 10-years-old and lost her dad almost 4 years ago, wrote a letter to her Pawpaw for us to read to him. She said “I am really, really going to miss you and I know this is not goodbye but I will miss you until then.”  Yes sweet girl, we will all miss him until we join him in Heaven above with others who loved the Lord and passed before us. It is this that brings me the most joy, knowing he has met Jesus Himself! He is reunited with his parents, his siblings, and friends. He is fine! It’s we who are left here that selfishly want our beloved husband, father, pawpaw, brother, and friend back. But his Heaven Father has him in His loving care and a host of heavenly beings rejoiced to have him enter those gates. 

Sheesh I needed a place to dump so many emotions. If anyone is out there and still reading this defunct blog, I apologize. 1-for ditching you and 2-for coming back with a truckload of emotions. I’ll end with - go hug someone you love and let them know you care. Heck, it’s literally a handful of days before Christmas- perfect timing. ❤️