Four years have come and gone in a snap of the fingers. I wish I could tell you majorly exciting things happened during those years, but not so much. I changed jobs after 12 years and that’s opened up all kinds of new opportunities. And even more change is on the horizon as the office calls us to return from working at home beginning in 2023. I’ve made new friends, met new people, and traveled halfway across this country to see new places and beautiful views. I’ll do a stand alone on that one soon.
The biggest change, in all of my 47 years thus far, is losing my Dad. September 11, 2022.
I remember this episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Christina is talking to George about joining the Dead Dad’s Club. A few days before he passed, I couldn’t get that image out of my head. I bawled the whole way home from the hospital because I didn’t want to join this stupid club and I was very afraid I was going to.
It doesn’t seem real. Never seeing him again? Hearing his laugh? Getting his advice? Kissing the top of his head on my way out the door? Hearing his truck coming up the driveway or his tractor in the field? Sitting with him in one of his swings and hearing stories of his family? Eating way too many of his biscuits and taking more to go? How can all of this have ended with one final breath? It’s not real. It just can’t be.
Mom told me one time she worried about me, that I was still single because I was trying to find a guy to live up to my dad, and that would be hard to do. She is so right. He wasn’t perfect, but he loved God, guided us back to Him, loved his wife of 52 years and respected her, loved his children and steered them on a solid, steady path, and doted on his grandchildren. He dealt fairly or to the other person’s advantage. He worked hard and took pride in doing a great job. And his knowledge was vast, spanning a million subjects and always learning more.
Dad was salt of the earth, a country boy, with no presumptions and no airs. He didn’t try to be someone he wasn’t and he very much knew who he was. He respected people, no matter their color or standing. And loved to laugh! Always going on with junk and teasing folks.
Needless to say, the man who meant more to me than any other man ever has in my entire life-he is gone. Will I be ok? Of course. He prepared us for him leaving us since we were kids. His parents died young and he never expected to live to 75. He was so shocked as more birthdays came and went. And he passed 15 minutes before he turned 76. We buried him one day before I turned 47.
My very wise sweet niece, 10-years-old and lost her dad almost 4 years ago, wrote a letter to her Pawpaw for us to read to him. She said “I am really, really going to miss you and I know this is not goodbye but I will miss you until then.” Yes sweet girl, we will all miss him until we join him in Heaven above with others who loved the Lord and passed before us. It is this that brings me the most joy, knowing he has met Jesus Himself! He is reunited with his parents, his siblings, and friends. He is fine! It’s we who are left here that selfishly want our beloved husband, father, pawpaw, brother, and friend back. But his Heaven Father has him in His loving care and a host of heavenly beings rejoiced to have him enter those gates.
Sheesh I needed a place to dump so many emotions. If anyone is out there and still reading this defunct blog, I apologize. 1-for ditching you and 2-for coming back with a truckload of emotions. I’ll end with - go hug someone you love and let them know you care. Heck, it’s literally a handful of days before Christmas- perfect timing. ❤️
