One Year.

It’s impossible to fathom that it’s been one year since I lost my Dad. A million times I’ve wanted to ask him a question or tell him something funny I know will make him laugh. The first time I screwed up and told a friend I’d ask my Dad how we were related to her neighbor and I saw her freeze. Immediately realized what I said and told her I guess I wouldn’t be able to do that, all the while repeating inside, “Please don’t cry, please don’t cry.”  

The only family photo we have that includes all of us. 

I try to remember details of that last hospital visit that we had no idea would be the last. The details have gotten grainy. Did I stay the last night? Or was it the night before? I don’t know that any of us would remember everything correctly, it was such a blur. 

Dad and A. at Christmas, sporting their new hats

We always celebrated our birthdays together

Pop passed 15 minutes before his birthday. The poor nurse cried more than us-we were halfway in shock. I wondered if I should hug her, too, while hugging mom. 

He wanted a pic like LB- with a kid on each side. lol
 M’s First birthday. 

Talk about “His Girl!” They were crazy for each other! He would brush her hair so gently so it wouldn’t hurt. 

Enough of those days. More of who he was. He was smart, insanely smart. Could do figures and make blueprints in his head. Or sometimes he pulled out a pencil and wrote right on the hood of his old truck. He could see what he wanted to make and then he’d make it. My brother is a lot like him in that regard. 

He never met a stranger and would go on with some junk with anyone. When we were kids I remember him wearing cutoff blue jeans and cowboy boots in the grocery store at the beach. He was pushing his buggy and “dancing” in the aisles and it was HILARIOUS. He never was a fan of the beach and would opt to do all the grocery shopping instead of battling the sand. He would get us set up with all our belongings and the umbrellas up, overlapping for maximum shade, and head out until we needed to be picked up. 

 

These two cuties- we prayed over these kiddos. They loved to listen to Daddy talk and read them stories. 

Three generations (missing Liam) but the boys loved playing on PawPaw George’s tractors. 

And he loved. He loved big. My mom, who he celebrated year 52 with in the hospital. So thankful for their love. His three children with our very different personalities. He was so proud of each of us for very specific, individual reasons. And his grandbabies. Gracious he was so happy to have grandbabies to spoil and love on. He was a very special man and is so very missed. Love you, Daddy. 

Claim it - my word for 2023.

Each year I try to find a word and focus on this one word, in hopes it would make a lasting impact on my life. I haven't done too well with it for the past several years.  I so hope 2023 is different. 

This year is already off to a different type of start with good things on the horizon.  In my workplace, they allow 16 hours towards volunteering.  Since I was trying to learn the ropes last year, I didn't even attempt to figure out the "giving back" portion of the company. Thanks to a friend who also works at my company asking me to volunteer with him, I kinda rolled my eyes and said - sure, why not. (Just as a side note here: the number one reason people don't GIVE or VOLUNTEER is because they are never asked.) 

So you have here the newest volunteer math tutor for HEART Math Tutoring!  I've met one of the two students I will be working with this semester and she is PRECIOUS.  Adore her. We hit it off right from the beginning. Now, let me say here, I have a tendency to reverse numbers when I'm tired or stressed. I told my student this - let's call her Maggie - I told Maggie and she thought that was hilarious! :)  I'll meet my second student this coming week. 

Today, I scheduled time with a coworker to learn more about my company's match in giving. Holy smokes, you can give up to $2,000 a year and they match this!! And the match can go to any organization you prefer, not necessarily the ones you gave your money to, which is also awesome! I immediately looked up two organizations that mean the world to me: 

• Itmann Food Bank in West Virginia.  They have the most creative ideas on how to help people through difficult financial times. Yes, they give out food. But they also have a chicken project that provides a chicken coop and chickens for those who are willing to try it! 35 families now have chickens! And they provide school supplies, clothing, and more. Love them. 
• The Marfan Foundation.  Likely you have never heard of Marfan Syndrome, but it has a huge impact on my family. This foundation works to advance research, serve as a resource for families and healthcare providers and raise public awareness. I've sat in on a presentation from them and it's amazing where they are taking research and finding new solutions to Marfan related problems. 

So, in addition to giving to these companies, I can also give them my match.  AND I can give my gift in memory of my brother-in-law and Dad! I think that's just AWESOME that I can remember these two loved ones through my gift from work! 

AND FURTHERMORE! I discovered as I volunteer and log my volunteer hours, I can earn Community Care Grants to give to organizations. I earned $50 for signing up to send a card to someone in Maine. I'm so excited about this aspect of my workplace.  This is foreign to me and I love it. 

What else can I CLAIM in 2023? I'm hoping to get my passport and am encouraging Mom, my sister and niece to also get theirs... you know, just in case we should want to travel somewhere! Mom has an interest in traveling and I think I could convince her. And I want my niece to see the world outside of our little state. Or the states around us. I want to have to understand there is so much more to this world and it's so beautiful and awe-inspiring.  For Christmas, I signed her up to receive the magazine, "Faces", which is supposed to be about other countries.  So I hope to instill in her a love for travel and exploration.  

I know this year is going to be tough, going through so many things without my Dad.  Today I found a voicemail on my phone from him and listened to it.  I can't believe it's already been four months since I've heard that voice.  Wow. But he would never want us to sit and mourn. That wasn't him. He loved us so very much, this I've never doubted.  The voicemail was him worrying about me and wanting me to call and check in to let them know everything was ok.  Yeah, 2023 is going to be hard. But it's going to be good, too. Claim it. Claim all the good out there and push through the bad. We got this, right? 

Goodbye 2022 and good riddance.

 Macy said tonight she was sad to see 2022 leave. Of course, Mom, Katie, and I said WHY?!? We are so over 2022. But, I am so thankful Macy sees so many good things that happened in 2022. 

2022 for me: 

— I changed jobs after being at my government job of 12 years. It was scary but so good for me. I worked from home and still haven’t met most of my coworkers, yet developed friendships all the same. 

— I traveled! At least three trips to the NC Mts with family and friends. VA/W Va to see Sherry and a promise to visit Shirley next time!!❤️ (This year’s autumn leaves were amazing!) Dylan and I drove to Iowa, met a few of my coworkers there (Rachel and her kittens!) and saw amazing views of this country. 8 states and another town with my last name!! Rachel came to visit us so we squeezed in Charleston and Folly Beach and a few trips into Charlotte. Hit up North Myrtle for Thanksgiving and enjoyed a quieter Christmas at home. 

— Watched Ellie win Miss Freshman at her high school - she was so confident and poised! I was very impressed! Enjoyed a little time with her and Donna where I was able to see how much she grew up during those Covid years! She’s a teenager now!!! And is such a”good kid.”

— And the toughest event ever - having my Dad pass away in September. Even with this, I saw so many amazing things. How he impacted the medical staff in a positive way. At various times, nurses came in after clocking out to say how much they enjoyed him and his family.  He showed determination. Strong faith. A fighting spirit. So much love for his family. We have loved the George stories, meeting his old friends and coworkers. Seeing family. Yes, these were (and are) very hard days. But for us because our hearts hurt missing him so much. He is healed, happy, with our Heavenly Father! And all the family and friends who went before him. We will see him again. For that, I am so thankful. 

So yes, 2022 sucked. But it was beautiful, too. It took a 10-year-old to remind me of this, but she is often wise beyond her years. 

And in a snap

Four years have come and gone in a snap of the fingers. I wish I could tell you majorly exciting things happened during those years, but not so much. I changed jobs after 12 years and that’s opened up all kinds of new opportunities. And even more change is on the horizon as the office calls us to return from working at home beginning in 2023. I’ve made new friends, met new people, and traveled halfway across this country to see new places and beautiful views. I’ll do a stand alone on that one soon. 

The biggest change, in all of my 47 years thus far, is losing my Dad. September 11, 2022. 

I remember this episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Christina is talking to George about joining the Dead Dad’s Club. A few days before he passed, I couldn’t get that image out of my head. I bawled the whole way home from the hospital because I didn’t want to join this stupid club and I was very afraid I was going to.

It doesn’t seem real. Never seeing him again? Hearing his laugh? Getting his advice? Kissing the top of his head on my way out the door? Hearing his truck coming up the driveway or his tractor in the field? Sitting with him in one of his swings and hearing stories of his family? Eating way too many of his biscuits and taking more to go? How can all of this have ended with one final breath? It’s not real. It just can’t be. 

Mom told me one time she worried about me, that I was still single because I was trying to find a guy to live up to my dad, and that would be hard to do. She is so right. He wasn’t perfect, but he loved God, guided us back to Him, loved his wife of 52 years and respected her, loved his children and steered them on a solid, steady path, and doted on his grandchildren. He dealt fairly or to the other person’s advantage. He worked hard and took pride in doing a great job. And his knowledge was vast, spanning a million subjects and always learning more. 

Dad was salt of the earth, a country boy, with no presumptions and no airs. He didn’t try to be someone he wasn’t and he very much knew who he was. He respected people, no matter their color or standing. And loved to laugh! Always going on with junk and teasing folks. 

Needless to say, the man who meant more to me than any other man ever has in my entire life-he is gone. Will I be ok? Of course. He prepared us for him leaving us since we were kids. His parents died young and he never expected to live to 75. He was so shocked as more birthdays came and went. And he passed 15 minutes before he turned 76. We buried him one day before I turned 47. 

My very wise sweet niece, 10-years-old and lost her dad almost 4 years ago, wrote a letter to her Pawpaw for us to read to him. She said “I am really, really going to miss you and I know this is not goodbye but I will miss you until then.”  Yes sweet girl, we will all miss him until we join him in Heaven above with others who loved the Lord and passed before us. It is this that brings me the most joy, knowing he has met Jesus Himself! He is reunited with his parents, his siblings, and friends. He is fine! It’s we who are left here that selfishly want our beloved husband, father, pawpaw, brother, and friend back. But his Heaven Father has him in His loving care and a host of heavenly beings rejoiced to have him enter those gates. 

Sheesh I needed a place to dump so many emotions. If anyone is out there and still reading this defunct blog, I apologize. 1-for ditching you and 2-for coming back with a truckload of emotions. I’ll end with - go hug someone you love and let them know you care. Heck, it’s literally a handful of days before Christmas- perfect timing. ❤️