Listen!

You may know I work in elections and SC is on tap for all eyes in the nation to turn our way in a few weeks. We have two elections back-to-back, one week apart and it's been a nightmare trying to input all the workers into the system for both elections. 

Many long hours, exhaustion, eating tons of sugar and lots of bad foods, getting frustrated and completely run-down. Tonight we left after 9:30 pm and all I had eaten since lunch was 2 oatmeal creme pies and a granola bar with Nutella smeared on it. Not super healthy. 

Get home tonight so exhausted. Chills, sore throat, aching body... Took a quarter of an anxiety pill trying to be proactive against what I was afraid would happen. Didn't work. 

PANIC ATTACK! Sigh. Woke up, heart racing, cold but sweating, body shaking so hard it was painful.  I thought I was going to be sick. I knew I'd saved something from Facebook about anxiety so I sat up and write it in my journal. 

Maybe it helped a bit. I looked up the scripture in Isaiah and it helped. Popped the rest of that anxiety pill and laid back down. Haven't managed to go back to sleep yet but hopefully soon. 

I hate this weakness in me. It started in 2014 from stress at work and probably all the medical drama in my family. Stress is ia killer and I'm sad I don't handle it better. That I don't truly know how! How to turn it over to God. I hope He helps me give these burdens to Him. 

I remember a blog post I wrote where Macy was standing in the middle of the hallway after church, frozen and panicking because she couldn't find MawMaw. She was so little in a sea of legs and couldn't see anyone she knew. Even when I got to her, kept calling her name, she was beyond hearing me. It wasn't until I got down on her level and made her look at me that she calmed down and actually saw and heard me. 

I think of that with me and The Lord. I'm so wrapped up in my panic attack and trying not to drop everything and rush to the hospital but being afraid it's something scary and serious. I'm trying to slow down my heart rate and breathe through the anxiety... That I don't hear God telling me to look at Him!  To see Him and how He's got this. Thank heavens. Because I sure don't have it all under control. 

Please pray I can learn to hear and see God in life, that I learn to give it to Him, that we can pull this election off and for me to learn how to handle all the stress surrounding me. Thanks. :)